Addiction
by Lovergirl1989
Summary: After suffering the loss of her girlfriend Quinn, Rachel breaks and is sent to a mental institution. She is addicted/obsessed to/with Quinn. Overwhelmed with heartbreak, Rachel takes mushrooms so she can hallucinate and see Quinn again. Warning: Femslash, drugs, etc.


**Disclaimer: I do not own glee or the song.**

**Title:** _Addiction_

**Summary:** _After suffering the loss of her girlfriend Quinn, Rachel breaks and is sent to a mental institution. She is addicted/obsessed to/with Quinn. Overwhelmed with heartbreak, Rachel takes mushrooms so she can hallucinate and see Quinn again._

**Rating:** _R_

**Notes: **_ This is a songfic with 'Addicted' by Enrique Iglesias._

Text- Normal/ happening now

**Text- Flashbacks**

_Text- Song/song lyrics_

_I would recommend you looking up the music video on youtube._

_**Addiction**_

Rachel's POV:

I don't know exactly how long I've been here. All I know is that it has been a long ass time. Here I sat on my mattress, no bed frame, with a pillow and a single blanket. I raised my hands to see metal wrist cuffs chained to the wall. The chains were long enough to allow me to move around most of the room. I was dressed in the usual patient uniform: white t-shirt and grey sweatpants. Around my neck was a gold necklace that Quinn bought me for our first year anniversary.

I sat up, hearing the metal chains clink together. I looked around my room to see it was a mess. It always was after I come back from my high. It was nearly pitched black. The only light shining into the room was the moon roof up on the ceiling. I took note that it was a full moon out. It fit my mood perfectly for what I was going to do tonight.

Pictures and drawings of my girlfriend was scattered on the walls. Most of them, she was smiling and had her arms wrapped around my neck or her kissing me. In my hand, I held the newspaper clipping of my beloved, Quinn's death.

I walked over to my hiding spot that held the rest of my mushrooms. I ate the rest and waited for the effects. When I felt the first stage of it, I smiled foe a moment.

I softly rocked back and forth, tears welling up in my eyes as I recalled a memory.

_Have I told you how good_

_It feels to be me_

_When I'm in you_

_I can only stay clean_

_When you are around_

_Don't let me fall_

**It was a sunny but chilly day. Quinn and I were at the park and it was just the two of us. The sun was reflecting off the water, giving it a beautiful scenery. The grass was green, the air felt fresh, and ducks were floating, looking at nothing in particular. **

**Quinn and I were sitting on a blanket, having a picnic. She was dressed in a white sundress and I had a white button down shirt to match with black slacks. Quinn was laughing as I told her about the prank I pulled on Puck. Suddenly, she took a mini cookie from my hand and popped it in her mouth before I could digest what she did. She quickly got up and took off running along the lake. **

**It finally dawned on me what happened and I took off sprinting after her. She loved it when I did that. Chase her. She was always doing things to try to get me to chase her. She loved me to chase her and I loved it as well. It was our thing.**

**When I caught up to her, we were both laughing. I still hadn't caught her yet. That woman could move like no other. She easily dodged my arms, playing with me. Just as I got a grip on her, she slipped through my fingers and took off running on the bridge. I got halfway on the bridge when I spotted a perfect bloomed white water lily floating near the water pads. I quickly bent down and laid my body on the bridge to reach out and retrieve it. After much pulling, the flower finally came undone and I continued running after Quinn.**

_If I close my eyes_

_Would it ease the pain_

_Could I breathe again_

I looked down at the article clipping and saw a picture of Quinn smiling.

**I caught Quinn in the green patch of grass, causing us to fall. The grass was still wet from the night before but neither of us paid attention to it. Quinn laid flat on her back with me straddling her. I gazed deep into her hazel eyes. The way she always looked at me, the sheer intensity of it ****always**** made me shiver. It was a surreal experience. I leant down and brought our lips together in a gentle kiss.**

_Maybe I'm addicted and out of control_

_But you're the drug that keeps me from dying_

_Maybe I'm a liar but all I really know_

_Is you're the only reason I'm trying_

I looked back at the article, still in my hand. I fought hard against the tears.

**It was the end of January and the weather was harsh and cruel. The heater wasn't working at the time and I was wrapped in a number of blankets with layers of clothes on in our bed. Thanks to the weather, I caught the flu. I convinced Quinn not to take me to the doctor if my temperature stayed at a reasonable degree. **

**She gave me a kiss to my sweaty temple and told me she would run to the drug store to pick me up some cold medicine.**

_I'm wasting away _

_Made a million mistakes_

_Am I too late_

_There's a storm in my head_

_And it rains on my bed_

_When you're not here_

_I'm not afraid of dying_

_But I'm afraid of losing you_

I drop the article like it burned me. I cringe before screaming at the top of my lungs. I read and re-read the article so many times that I remember it word for word.

My beloved Quinn died that night when she went to buy me that cold medicine. I desperately wished that I could go back in time and not let Quinn go out. She shouldn't have been out. It was pouring rain just past midnight when it happened. A bunch of drunk college kids were packed in a big truck and ran a red light. That night, my world crashed and was destroyed.

Quinn was t-boned and didn't have a chance.

_Maybe I'm addicted and out of control_

_But you're the drug that keeps me from dying_

_Maybe I'm a liar but all I really know_

_Is you're the only reason I'm trying._

When that memory rushed through my brain, I threw a tantrum. I flipped over my mattress and flipped over my desk that held the last remaining dinner I had. I pounded my fist against a bare cement wall. I was desperate to feel anything other than the hurt. Anything. Then, that's when I felt it. It was a strange sensation of wetness; I looked at my fist to see a gush of blood trickling down and onto the floor. That triggered another memory.

_When you're lying next to me_

_Love is going through me_

_Oh it's beautiful_

**Quinn and I were lying in bed together. It was early in the morning when Quinn woke up. Somehow she knew I was faking so she started kissing all over my face rapidly until I couldn't take it and I just started laughing. She started to laugh too until I started tickling her. Her laughs then became uncontrollable. In her desperate attempt to get away from my torturous hands, her body knocked on the bedside dresser that held a heavy lamp. It was like in slow motion when I saw the lamp start to topple over and nearly hit Quinn. I pushed the lamp away in mid air so that it would miss Quinn's head. In doing so, the glass lamp shattered, cutting my hand pretty good. I saw the blood oozing on my hand before I yelled in pain. **

**Quinn cradled my hand gently and apologized profusely and I tried to assure her it wasn't her fault through my teeth. I was breathing hard, not wanting Quinn to feel any guiltier. The look in her eyes held regret and shame.**

**My blonde beloved ran out to get the first aid kit. When she returned, we joked about how she wanted to buy the kit and I didn't believe we needed it. She cleaned and dressed the wound before gently pressing a kiss to it. **

**I thanked her, calling her doctor and asked what I owed her. She smiled and cradled my face with both hands on either side and said that it was on the house before pulling me into a kiss that led to us making love.**

I woke up on my mattress, not knowing how I got there. My heart rate accelerated due to the amount of mushrooms I took.

_Everything is clear to me_

'_Til I hit reality_

_I lose it all_

_I lose it all_

_I lose it all_

I knew it was nearly time. I stretched my left hand to pick up my watch. I had it since high school. I took the battery out so that it was permanently stuck on 12:44. The same time of death of Quinn's. I smiled, knowing I timed it perfectly. I would die the same time as her.

My heart starts to hurt. There is an indescribable pain in my chest and it hurts to take each breath.

_Maybe I'm addicted _

_And trying, trying, trying_

_Maybe I'm addicted _

_Don't want to lose it all_

_Maybe I'm a liar but all I really know_

_Is you're the only reason I'm trying_

My head is becoming cloudy and I start to become confused. My hearing starts to fade but I can still make out voices of the guards as they realize something is wrong with me. They shake me to snap out of it but it doesn't work.

Two men pick me up and put me on a gurney. I know they will roll me to the hospital on the other side of the building but they will be too late. As they wheel me away. I look at a picture of Quinn hugging me and smiling. I instantly close my eyes once it is out of sight, wanting her face to be the last thing I ever see.

They hook me up to a heart monitor and I can hear my heart beat fading slowly. My eyes are still closed as I imagined Quinn and I.

Beep…beep…...beep…...beep…...beep...beep...beeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeep

Then there was a blinding white light.

All of a sudden, I'm standing in a place I do not recognize. It was beautiful though. The grass was green, there was a large body of water, and off in the distance, there was one big mountain with snow capped on top and other littler mountains next to it. I felt a gentle breeze hit me and watched birds chirping up in the sky flying off.

"Rachel!" I whipped around to see my beloved Quinn a long ways away, waving her hand to grab my attention. I could clearly see her breathtaking smile I love. She didn't look like when I last saw her. There was no longer blood trailing down the side of her face and her body wasn't mangled.

"Come here sweetheart!" She called waving her hand for me to come to her.

I smiled and took off running towards her. It surprised and didn't surprise me that she took off running off as well when I got close. I smiled, remembering she loved me chasing her. I pumped my legs as fast as I could.

Quinn ran to a huge tree that had no leaves, nevertheless it was beautiful. She ran around the trunk and I ran around the other side to catch her. She squealed in surprise when she saw me. I grabbed her around her waist and picked her up before setting her down on the ground gently.

The sun shined down on her, giving her a golden glow that made her even more beautiful, if that was even possible. She felt even more real than my hallucinations. Her skin was soft and warm just like how I remembered.

She played with the collar of my shirt and trailed her fingers across my neck. I brought my lips millimeters from hers', "I missed you." I whispered.

"Me too." She whispered back. "I love you _so_ much." She said softly.

"I love you more." I whispered back.

She smiled and shook her head as if to say that was impossible. She grabbed a fistful of my hair and brought me down to her lips. We kissed passionately and lovingly. It was then that I realized, I didn't need to breathe. I had no heartbeat and my lungs weren't starving for oxygen.

"One of the perks." She said with a seductive smile. "Come on. They are waiting for you."

I followed her gaze and saw my family and friends that I grieved in the past for, standing off in the distance waiting for me.

Quinn sat up and grabbed my hand, pulled me toward them. I looked down at our joined hands and interlocked our hands, still making our way to them. We couldn't wipe the grins off our faces.

_Maybe I'm addicted_

_Maybe I'm addicted_

_Maybe I'm addicted_

**The End**

* * *

**What do you think?**

**First off, I don't like that this site is correcting my story. There are characters that I try to put in here that would make this story better but it isn't allowing me to do that. *sigh* I guess it thinks it's helping me correct punctuation.**

**I would like to say that I have NOT given up my other story. I just don't know how to write Rachel's power. I already hit writer's block with that one. lol So, I am going to write other Quinn/Rachel femslash until I get over that block.**

**Those of you who are interested, I've already started the other Quinn/Rachel story. (Quinn as the principal and Rachel as the delinquent.) **

**Also, since this site is giving me problems, I think I may write my stories somewhere else. It's giving me a lot of hassle. The problem is that most people come to this site I think...maybe I'll create my own site and post my stories there.  
**


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